Updated: Jan 29
While I was on the train coming home from work one evening, I overheard a couple of women talking about - you guessed it, weight.
There was nothing unusual about their conversation.
In fact, I've participated in many conversations like these.
Here's the gist of what I overheard:
"I feel so fat. No matter what I do I can't lose weight. I don't eat that much. It always happens that I start my diet strong and then blow it the next day. What's wrong with me that I can't stick to a diet plan? I have no willpower and I'm never going to lose weight."
I arrived at my station, got off the train, and took a deep breath.
Wow! 30 full minutes of obsessing about weight by women who looked professional, sounded smart, and who were fully engaged in self-deprecation, shame and self-disgust about their bodies and lack of willpower.
I felt sad because this public conversation was likely the tip of the iceberg; underneath the surface, this issue was probably felt at a deep level, eating away at each woman's feelings, beliefs, and self-worth.
There was a tiredness, a sense of being worn out emanating from each of them.
The energy it took to sustain that level of connection to this issue felt huge.
They seemed defeated and yet couldn't let go of trying one more time to get back on the diet treadmill first thing Monday morning.
How many times have you started a diet with energy and enthusiasm, believing in that moment that this time you will be successful?
How many times have you berated yourself for your inability to stick with it after finding yourself eating your way through the fridge?
Here's the thing. Fat is not a feeling.
Weight has nothing to do with your character or your worth as a person.
Why keep doing what you've always done when "the definition of insanity is doing something over and over again and expecting a different result"? (Albert Einstein).
Changing the conversation and how you think and talk about you and your body will help your brain carve out new neural pathways.
Notice that I didn't suggest trying to trick your brain with false information.
For example: if your first thought is "I'm so fat", your second thought or affirmation shouldn't be "I'm so thin". Your brain won't believe you.
An affirmation that lies only serves to deepen the old neural pathway and keep you stuck on a train going nowhere.
Changing the Conversation
"Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything." George Bernard Shaw
Let's rewind and go back to my 30 minute commute home. I step onto the train and hear two women talking about weight struggles, only this time the conversation has changed.
"I'm working on changing the way I think about dieting - I want to feel good about myself and I recognize that saying mean things to myself and feeling shame only keeps me stuck. This weight is temporary. I'm learning to build new habits that will help me become healthier and lose weight. I'm taking steps to feel my feelings instead of eating them. It might take me awhile, but I am committed to learning about what I need and how to trust and take care of myself in better ways. "
As I got off the train, I took a deep breath and smiled. Words like wisdom, intuition, self-compassion, energy, resilience, came to mind as I walked away. These women were making WISER choices.
Do you need help changing the conversation or deciding which train will get on?
Are you craving different results from the ones you've always had?
Would you be interested in learning how to let go of limiting thoughts and beliefs so you become the person you've always wanted to be?
I invite you to contact me for a complimentaryCreate the Life You Crave Discovery Call.