I had so many love-hate affairs with The Last Supper. The anticipation of “cheating”, of being a rebel and eating as many “bad” foods as I could before banning them “tomorrow”, was exhilarating.

I also knew deep down that each one wouldn’t be my last. I hated myself for giving in and failing at the one thing I thought should have been within my control - food and weight.

Here we are once again in December, the time of year that’s the epitome of giving, celebration, connection, and overconsumption. Spending time with friends and family over the Holidays now that we’re able to, brings us joy, a feeling of connection that zoom calls can’t quite give us.

And yet, nestled within our “feel good” feelings, bright and shiny decorations, the hustle and bustle of shopping, cooking and cleaning, is fear and trepidation for those of us who struggle with emotional and binge eating.

The Holidays seem to unleash our inner rebel, let loose those inhibitions we hold on to so tightly.

We know that at any moment our inner child will run wild with abandonment.

We fear that all will be lost, forever.

Every pound released or gained becomes magnified in our minds. We can’t wait to start another diet in the New Year – it gives us structure and purpose with a no-money-back guarantee to relieve us of the weight we’re carrying.

At the same time, we know the honeymoon will wear off, and our minds, bodies and spirits will become hungry and starved for more than just food.

I’m grateful for the Health At Every Size movement that has helped us understand that people of all sizes can be healthy or unhealthy.

I get the backlash from fat activists tired of being beaten up and blamed for living in a larger body.

I’ve felt judged by a culture that is often unforgiving when it comes to weight, size and shape.

I’m angry that diet culture has conned us into believing that the pursuit of health is nothing more than a ruse to keep us on the diet roller coaster where we’re sure to fail.

Weight has become a divisive issue. I understand and have written about the desire to release weight even when there are political and social issues of justice, privilege, racism, sexism etc. attached.

I’ve been chastised on social media for suggesting that people who desire weight loss or who have released weight deserve equal consideration and support from us.

The reality is that The Last Supper continues to be something we fight regardless of our dislike and objection to diet culture.

The Question is…

How often have you bargained with yourself after The Last Supper, promising you’ll be “good” and never “cheat” again after this blowout?

How many Decembers have you sworn that things will be different after the Holidays when you can start fresh on January 2nd?

How many times have your best attempts flopped and failed, leaving you ashamed, frustrated, feeling less trusting of you and your body?

And most importantly: "Why would you think anything would be different on January 2nd when you've done nothing to change your relationship with food and your body?”

I wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve avoided this question as well! Instead, you might be thinking that a gym membership, a different diet plan, signing up to a new weight loss or wellness program, working with a nutritionist, doing Keto or low carb or fill in the blank, will be enough to motivate you to finally become successful.

But here's the thing: to arrive at a place where The Last Supper doesn’t exist anymore or where you can call a ceasefire to the fight between you and food, there are certain things that are required of us:

To connect with the beliefs that eat away at you,
To unpack the anxiety, stress, and uncertainty you feel, and
To heal the traumas that weigh you down

Unravelling The Last Supper

So, lovely soul! As you continue celebrating the Holiday Season and find yourself anticipating or finishing another Last Supper, find a quiet space each time over the next weeks, grab your journal or notebook, and answer these questions:

1. What has happened today? Write down each event or moment that you've been frustrated or upset by today.

2. Can you identify what you were feeling? Was it stress, uncertainty, anger? (ie. You bought chocolates to give away and couldn’t stop yourself from opening the box and eating them. You feel anxious that you’ll put weight on and won’t be able to stop now that you’ve started down this slippery slope.)

3. Can you identify a core belief (I’m a failure, I’m not good enough, etc) lurking underneath the anxiety, stress and uncertainty that’s kept you turning to food?

4. Have you nourished yourself today with enough food and a balance of protein, carbs and fats (ie. Is my blood sugar balanced)?

5. What can you do now and tomorrow to support & nurture your mind, body, and soul (not more deprivation, negative self-talk, etc)? How would taking care of yourself help you feel calm and safe and shift you into a place of choice?

Finally, know that if you just don’t have the bandwidth to stop yourself from the frenzy of Last Suppers this month, it’s Ok. Breathe. It’s not the end of the world and life goes on.

Whether your desire is to release, gain or stay the same weight, no one has the right to tell you what to do with your body! That’s your responsibility.

But, if you want to give yourself the ultimate gift, set an intention to transform your relationship with food in the New Year.

Imagine what your next Holiday Season could be like - no more Last Suppers to worry about!

As a coach it’s my life’s work to help you * understand and heal your past, * create deeper meaning in your life, * learn to tune in and take care of your needs, * trust your intuition and body, * follow your soul’s desires, and finally, * create a peaceful, long-term, sustainable relationship with food.

You, lovely soul, deserve to celebrate with peace in your heart, be the woman you want to be, and create a peaceful relationship with food and your body.

Wishing you a very Happy Holiday and all the best in the New Year!

Joan