“Allow”

“Allow”, she said softly as I closed my eyes and took three deep breaths.

What would I find deep below where ghosts rest their weary souls?

Could I risk going into the depths of my mind, not knowing what would emerge?

“Allow” she whispered as my body began to relax, and my breath slowed.

I could hear my heart beating as I felt myself submit.

Down, down, deep into the darkness I went,

A free diver praying the oxygen in my lungs would last.

Could I trust that exploring this world of sadness within would reveal some truth I’ve been missing?

Could I finally make peace with this nemesis that’s lived within for as long as I can remember?

It was too late to go back.

“Allow” she reminded me as an image began to form before me.

The coffin was black, made of wood, plain, old.

What message was I to receive from this dark picture?

Was it to mean death would become my life?

Her voice rang out in my mind. 

What was I to “Allow” I wondered.

Trepidation bubbled up, filling me with nervous fear.    

What was I to do with this image?  

How would I make sense of it all?

“Allow”, she said again, as I watched the coffin turn from black to a life-giving blood red. 

My lungs exhaled with relief. 

What would happen if I opened it? 

Who would I find laid to rest? 

How would I feel if it were me?

“Allow”

I opened the coffin slowly, deliberately, feeling anticipation coursing through my veins.    

There I lay, an ageless, empty, see-through, holographic body filled with nothing. 

Was this emptiness the sadness I needed to transform and heal?

What was I to do with this empty shell of me? 

“Allow” she said again.

I took a breath in as I watched my body rise from the coffin,

A golden light filled the cavity, flooding away the emptiness.

With another breath, a small child emerged deep within my belly.

Not broken or damaged, but whole, wide-eyed, and knowing. 

“Allow”.

She grew before my eyes until she was standing beside me,

Confident, strong, beautiful in her own way.

Love filled my heart as I watched her reach for my hand and begin to lead me away from the coffin.

What was it about this image that drew me in, that allowed me to feel a deep sense of relief?

What would a final “allow” reveal as I watched the pair walk through an imaginary door onto the flat, golden prairies where they stood still, faces lifted to the sky, palms facing upwards?

What message was I to receive from this moment as adult and child drew Mother Earth’s energy into their bodies, and gave thanks to the Universe? 

I took a deep breath in.   

The loneliness had vanished, gone no matter how hard I tried to feel it. 

Just “allow”, she softly said one last time, as I opened my eyes, emerging from the depths of my mind and soul.

I was different now, no longer an empty vessel buried within a black coffin.

I was free and whole, filled with love for who I was, who I am, and who I will become.    

“Allow”

Thank you for reading “Allow”. This was written after a deep and transformative session with my coach, Carolina Kerridge (https://www.heartstream.co.nz/). The word “Allow” has become an important one to me personally and professionally. It reminds my subconscious to allow change and growth. As with you, I’m a work in progress and continue to work through my own demons, change the habits that no longer serve me, and strengthen the woman I want to be.

If you’d like to chat with me about your journey and “Allow” more than you can imagein, you can reach me at coach@joanridsdel.com or on this website go to “connect” and I’ll reach out to you.

With gratitude,

Joan

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